Jewish views on aging, illness and death

Within Judaism

Jewish practice ranges widely, from Orthodox to Conservative, Reform, Reconstructionist and many people who are secular or cultural Jews. Customs also differ between Ashkenazi, Sephardi and Mizrahi communities. A rabbi can explain what fits your family.

On aging

Jewish tradition honors elders. "Honor your father and your mother" is one of the Ten Commandments, and the Torah says: Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head, and honour the face of the old man. (Leviticus 19:32)

Many Jews pray, in the words of the Psalms: Cast me not off in the time of old age; when my strength faileth, forsake me not. (Psalm 71:9) And: So teach us to number our days, that we may get us a heart of wisdom. (Psalm 90:12)

On illness

• Life is precious. Saving a life (pikuach nefesh) overrides almost every other commandment, including the Sabbath. Seeking medical care is a duty.
• Visiting the sick (bikur cholim) is a mitzvah, a sacred obligation. Many communities have volunteers who visit.
• Prayer for healing. The Mi Sheberach prayer for the sick is said in synagogue, naming the person who is ill.
• End-of-life care. Traditional Jewish law teaches that death must not be hastened, but also that one need not prolong the dying process when a person is actively dying. Views on specific treatments differ between movements. Families often consult a rabbi together with the medical team.

On what follows death

Judaism focuses mostly on how to live in this world. Beliefs about what comes after vary:

• Traditional prayers speak of the resurrection of the dead and the world to come (Olam Ha-Ba).
• Many Jews believe the soul returns to God.
• Many others, especially in liberal movements, focus on living on through family, good deeds and memory, and are unsure or do not believe in an afterlife.

Many Jews say of someone who has died: May their memory be a blessing. On hearing of a death, many say Baruch Dayan HaEmet, "Blessed is the true Judge." At funerals, many recite: The LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. (Job 1:21)

Near the end of life

• Not alone. It is a long tradition not to leave a dying person alone.
• Confession (Vidui). A short prayer of confession and trust may be said by the person, or for them.
• The Shema. Ideally a Jew's last words are the Shema: "Hear, O Israel: the LORD our God, the LORD is one."
• Psalms are often read at the bedside.

Right after death

• Eyes are closed, the body is covered, and a candle may be lit.
• A watcher (shomer) may stay with the body until burial, often reading Psalms.
• Ritual washing (tahara) is done by the chevra kadisha, volunteers of the same sex, who dress the body in simple white shrouds (tachrichim).
• Autopsy is generally discouraged in traditional practice unless the law requires it. Organ donation to save a life is accepted by many rabbis of all movements.
• Burial soon, ideally within a day, but not on the Sabbath or major holidays. Tell the hospital so paperwork can move quickly.
• Cremation is traditionally not allowed. Many Reform and secular Jews do choose it.

Funeral and mourning

Jewish mourning has clear stages that many find comforting, because they give shape to grief:

• Before the funeral (aninut): close relatives are excused from other religious duties to care for the dead.
• Tearing a garment or ribbon (keriah) as a sign of grief, at or before the funeral.
• A simple funeral and burial, often in a plain wooden casket. Mourners and friends may place earth on the casket.
• Shiva: seven days of mourning at home. Mourners sit low, mirrors may be covered, and the community brings food, visits and prays with the family. Visitors often say: May God comfort you among the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.
• Shloshim: the first 30 days, a gentler stage of mourning.
• Kaddish: a prayer praising God, said by mourners, traditionally for 11 months for a parent.
• Yahrzeit: the yearly anniversary of the death, marked with a memorial candle and Kaddish.
• Unveiling: the gravestone is often dedicated within the first year.