About this guide
Frequently asked questions
Short, plain answers to the questions families ask most, with links to the full guide pages.
Do this first
Look through the topics below, or type a few words in the box to find a question. Each answer is short and links to the full guide page. If someone is in danger or having a medical emergency, call 911 first.
95 questions.
About this guide
Who writes this guide, and why is it free?
One person writes and updates it after going through this with their own family. Aging Family Guide is an independent project published by Harimedia LLC. It is free because families in the middle of a crisis should not have to pay for basic, public information. There are no ads, no sponsors and no affiliate links.
Is this legal advice? Can I rely on it?
No. This is general information, not legal, tax, financial or medical advice, and it does not create an attorney-client relationship. It is carefully researched from official sources, but laws differ by state and change, and your family's situation may have details that change the answer. Use it to understand your options and prepare good questions, then confirm anything important with a professional.
How up to date is the information? What does "Last reviewed" mean?
Every dollar amount and deadline carries the date it was checked and a link to its official source: tap or click the figure to see them. Figures are checked at least once a year, because many change every January or every fall. "Last reviewed" at the bottom of a page is the date that whole page was last read through and checked.
Does this apply in my state? What if my state says "Check your state's rule"?
Choose your loved one's state at the top of any page, and the guide shows that state's rules where they differ. The state that usually matters is the one where your loved one lived (and, for a house, where the house is). "Check your state's rule" means that rule has not yet been checked against an official source for that state. The guide then links to the state's courts instead of guessing.
I found a mistake. How do I report it?
Please write to contact@agingfamilyguide.org. Tell us which page and what looks wrong; a link to an official source helps a lot. We are grateful for every correction. We cannot give advice about individual situations by email.
Is this only for people caring for a parent?
No. It is written for anyone helping an older relative: a parent, a spouse, a grandparent, a sibling, an aunt or an uncle. Much of it also helps if you are planning for yourself, so your own family has an easier time later.
Privacy and your saved information
Do you collect or see anything I type?
No. There are no accounts, no analytics, no cookies and no tracking scripts. What you type into the tools is saved only in your own browser. It is never sent to this website or to anyone else, because the website has no database to send it to.
Where is my information saved, and who can see it?
It is saved in your browser's own storage, on the device you are using. Anyone who uses the same device and browser profile could open the tools and see it, unless you turn on a passphrase. It does not follow you to other devices.
What happens if I clear my browser or change phones?
Clearing your browser's history or "site data" for this website deletes what you saved. A new phone or computer starts empty. To keep your information, download a backup file first, then restore it on the new device.
How do I back up my information or move it to another device?
Go to My data and download a backup file. Keep it somewhere safe, like your own computer or a USB drive. On another device, open My data and restore from that file. You can protect the backup with a passphrase.
What does the passphrase protection do, and what if I forget it?
A passphrase scrambles (encrypts) everything you save, and your backup files, so no one can read them without it. The encryption happens on your device. If you forget the passphrase, no one can recover the information, including us. You would need to erase it and start again, or use an older backup you can open.
Does the site work without internet?
Yes. After your first visit, the pages and tools keep working without internet, which helps in hospitals and basements with poor signal. You can also add the site to your phone's home screen from your browser's menu.
Planning ahead (while they are alive)
What documents should every older adult have?
Most families need four core papers: a durable power of attorney for money, a health care proxy (sometimes combined with a living will), a HIPAA release, and a will or a revocable trust. Also check the beneficiary names on retirement accounts and life insurance. Keep a list of where everything is, and make sure the right people know where to find it.
What is a durable power of attorney, and when does it stop working?
It is a signed document that lets a person you trust (the "agent") handle money and property for you. "Durable" means it keeps working if you can no longer make decisions, which is exactly when families need it. It stops working at death. After that, only the executor or the successor trustee can act. The person who signed it can also cancel it while they still have capacity.
What is the difference between a health care proxy, a living will and a POLST/MOLST?
A health care proxy names the person who makes medical decisions when your loved one cannot. A living will writes down their wishes about treatment near the end of life. A POLST (called MOLST, POST or other names in some states) is different: it is a doctor's order, for people who are seriously ill, that travels with them and tells emergency staff what to do. Many families need all three.
What is a HIPAA release, and why do families need one?
It is a short signed form that lets doctors, hospitals and insurers share health information with the people named in it. Without one, staff may refuse to talk to you even when you are the one managing care. A health care proxy may only take effect once your loved one cannot decide for themselves; a HIPAA release lets you get information before that point.
What happens if there's no power of attorney and they can no longer decide?
The family usually has to ask a court to appoint someone, called guardianship or conservatorship depending on the state. It takes time and money, the court can pick someone the family did not expect, and the court often requires reports every year. Signing a durable power of attorney while your loved one still can avoids most of this.
Will or revocable trust: which one does my family need?
A will says who gets what, but it has to go through probate (a court process) before anything is handed out. A revocable living trust can avoid probate for everything moved into it, keeps things private, and lets a trusted person step in smoothly if your loved one becomes unable to manage. A trust takes more work to set up and must be "funded" to do anything. Families often consider a trust when there is real estate, property in more than one state, or a wish for privacy. This guide cannot say which is right for your family.
What are beneficiary designations, and why do they override a will?
Retirement accounts, life insurance and annuities pay whoever is named on the account's beneficiary form. That form wins over whatever the will says. An old form can send money to an ex-spouse or to someone who has died. Review every form, and name a backup (contingent) beneficiary.
If it's only bank and investment accounts, do we need a will or a trust?
Not always. When there is no house or other real estate, naming a beneficiary on each bank, investment and retirement account (payable-on-death or transfer-on-death) can pass the money without probate and without a trust, usually for free. Beneficiary forms do not help during a long illness (a durable power of attorney does), and they need backup names and extra care for minors or people with disabilities. Many people still keep a short will as a backup for anything missed.
What are payable-on-death and transfer-on-death accounts and deeds?
A payable-on-death (POD) bank account or a transfer-on-death (TOD) investment account goes straight to the named person at death, without probate. The owner keeps full control while alive. Some states also allow a transfer-on-death deed for a house.
How do we talk about all this without starting a fight?
Start small and pick a calm time, not a holiday dinner. Frame it around your own peace of mind ("I want to be able to help if you ever need me"), not around their decline. Ask questions and listen more than you talk. Include siblings early so no one feels left out, and write down what was decided.
Should I be added to my parent's bank account?
Usually it is safer not to become a joint owner. A joint account can become yours at death, skipping the will, which can leave siblings out. It can also be exposed to your own creditors or divorce, and cause gift or Medicaid problems. A power of attorney, a "convenience signer" or a payable-on-death beneficiary usually does the job with fewer risks.
Can my parent still sign documents if they have dementia?
Often yes, in the early stages. What matters is capacity: whether they understand what they are signing at that moment. If there is any doubt, have an attorney meet them, ideally with a doctor's note about their understanding, so the documents are harder to challenge later. Do not wait: capacity can be lost quickly.
What if my parent refuses help, or won't stop driving?
Adults who can still make their own decisions have the right to make risky choices. Talk about specific worries, not general decline, and offer choices instead of orders. For driving, a doctor or a driving evaluation can be the neutral voice. If someone is in danger or being exploited, contact Adult Protective Services.
The trust builder
Can I really make a revocable trust myself?
In most states, no law requires a lawyer to write a simple revocable trust, and many families do their own. But small mistakes can send the estate to probate anyway: a missed signing step, a house never moved into the trust, or unclear wording. The builder helps with those, and it tells you when your situation is too complicated for a fill-in form. It does not support Louisiana, whose laws are different.
When should we NOT use the do-it-yourself trust builder?
See an attorney instead if a beneficiary has a disability or gets means-tested benefits, if Medicaid may be needed within five years, or if the estate may be near the federal or a state estate tax limit. The same goes for second marriages, a business or rental properties, property outside the U.S., a spouse who is not a U.S. citizen, family conflict, any doubt about memory or understanding, or if you are helping fill it in and will inherit. The builder asks about all of these first.
Does a revocable trust protect assets from nursing-home costs or Medicaid?
No. Because your loved one can take everything back out of a revocable trust, Medicaid counts it as theirs. Some families use other, irrevocable arrangements for Medicaid planning, but those are subject to the Medicaid look-back period for long-term careAs of September 28, 2026.Federal rule for nursing home Medicaid. A few states apply it differently (for example California). Check your state.Source: 42 U.S.C. § 1396p(c)(1)(B) (Cornell LII) look-back and need an elder law attorney.
Does a revocable trust save taxes?
Not by itself. While your loved one is alive, the trust uses their Social Security number and they report income as usual. At death, trust assets still count toward the federal estate tax limit of Federal estate tax exemption (per person, 2026)As of January 1, 2026.Estates below this amount owe no federal estate tax. Some states have their own, lower thresholds.Source: IRS: What's new — Estate and gift tax, which few estates reach. Heirs generally still get the step-up in basis.
What does "funding the trust" mean, and what happens if we skip it?
Funding means moving things into the trust's name: recording a new deed for the house, and asking banks and brokerages to retitle accounts to the trustee. A trust only controls what it owns. Anything left in your loved one's own name may have to go through probate, even with a signed trust. The builder gives you a funding checklist.
Do we still need a will if we have a trust?
Yes, a short one called a pour-over will. It catches anything that was never moved into the trust and "pours" it in. Those leftover things may still go through probate, but they end up following the trust's instructions. The builder creates one with the trust.
Who should be the successor trustee?
Pick someone honest, organized and willing, who gets along with the family and can handle paperwork and phone calls. Living nearby helps but is not required. Always name a backup. Two co-trustees who must agree on everything can deadlock, so think carefully before naming two.
How is the trust signed? Do we need a notary or witnesses?
It depends on the state. Many states only need the signature of the person making the trust, but some require witnesses, and a notary is strongly recommended everywhere because banks and title companies expect it. A deed moving the house into the trust almost always needs a notary to be recorded.
I'm helping my mother make her trust and I'm a beneficiary. Is that a problem?
It can be. If someone later says you pushed her into it (undue influence), the trust could be challenged. Let her make her own choices, do not be in the room when she signs, and consider having her meet an attorney alone. The builder's first step asks about this for a reason.
How do we change or cancel the trust later?
While the person who made it is alive and able, they can change it with a signed amendment, or replace it with a new version (a "restatement"), signed the same way as the original. To cancel it, follow the steps in the trust and move the assets back into their own name. Tell the successor trustee where the newest version is.
Where should the original documents be kept?
Keep the signed originals together in a safe, fire-resistant place at home, and tell the successor trustee exactly where. A bank safe deposit box can be hard to open after a death. Give banks a certification of trust instead of the whole trust.
Why does my trust say DRAFT?
The documents stay marked DRAFT until you finish the review checklist and there are no errors or warning flags left. That protects your family from signing something that was not read carefully. Even after the mark is gone, please read every word and consider an attorney's review before signing.
When someone dies
What do I do in the first hours?
Very little has to happen right away. Make the right first call (see the next question), let a doctor or hospice nurse confirm the death, and choose a funeral home to take your loved one into their care. Lock the home, and put away medications, keys and valuables. Everything else can wait a day or two.
Who do I call first: 911, hospice, or the funeral home?
If your loved one was in hospice and died at home as expected, call the hospice team first; they will guide you. If the death was sudden or unexpected, call 911. In a hospital or nursing home, the staff handle the first steps. After that, you call the funeral home you choose.
How many death certificates do I need, and where do I get them?
The funeral home usually orders certified copies for you from the state or county vital records office; you can also order more later. Count the banks, insurers, investment firms, pension plans and agencies that will want one, then add a few extras. Some places accept a photocopy, so ask before using a certified copy.
Am I responsible for my parent's debts?
Usually not. Debts are paid from what your loved one left (their estate), not from family members' own money. The exceptions: you co-signed or shared the account, you are a spouse in a community property state or a state that makes spouses pay certain debts, or you are the executor and did not follow your state's rules. If there is not enough money to pay everyone, the unpaid debts usually go unpaid. A debt collector may not pressure you to pay from your own pocket.
What should I NOT do in the first weeks?
Do not pay your loved one's debts with your own money. Do not use their bank cards, or a power of attorney, which stopped working at death. Do not give away or sell belongings, the car or the house before the executor or trustee is in charge. Do not cancel home insurance. And do not throw away mail or papers; they show what accounts and bills exist.
How do I protect the house, car, mail and identity?
Lock the house, keep the heat and insurance on, and tell the insurer it is empty. Keep the car insured and parked. The executor can have the mail forwarded. To prevent identity theft, notify the three credit bureaus with a copy of the death certificate, and cancel credit cards once the estate is being handled.
Do we have to buy everything from the funeral home?
No. Under the Federal Trade Commission's Funeral Rule, a funeral home must give you an itemized price list, including over the phone. You can buy only the items and services you want, and you can bring a casket or urn bought elsewhere without an extra fee. No state requires routine embalming for every death.
What is probate, and how long does it take?
Probate is the court process that confirms the executor, pays debts and hands out what was in your loved one's own name. It often takes many months, and longer with a house to sell, a family disagreement or taxes. Many estates can skip full probate (see the next questions).
How do I know if there's a will or a trust, and where do I find it?
Look through home files, desks and safes, and ask the lawyer or financial advisor your loved one used. Check for a safe deposit box: the bank has its own steps for opening it after a death. Ask the probate court in the county where they lived whether a will was filed there. A trust is often in a binder with the words "Revocable Trust" or "Living Trust".
What if there's no will?
When someone dies without a will (intestate), state law decides who inherits, usually the spouse and children first, then other relatives. The court appoints an "administrator" to do the executor's job. Accounts with named beneficiaries, joint owners or a trust still pass outside of that.
What is an executor or personal representative, and what do they have to do?
The executor (called a personal representative or administrator in some states) is the person in charge of the estate. They get authority from the probate court, find and protect everything, list it, notify creditors, pay valid debts and taxes, keep careful records, and then hand out what is left. They must act honestly and in everyone's interest, not their own.
What does a successor trustee have to do?
The successor trustee takes over a trust when its maker dies or can no longer manage, usually without any court. They collect the trust's property, notify the beneficiaries (many states set a deadline), pay bills and taxes, keep records, and distribute everything as the trust says. They must be fair to every beneficiary.
Is there a way to avoid full probate for a small estate?
Yes, in every state, though the limits and forms differ. Small estates can often use a simple sworn form (a small estate affidavit) or a short court process.
What assets skip probate entirely?
Anything with a named beneficiary (retirement accounts, life insurance, payable-on-death and transfer-on-death accounts), anything owned jointly "with right of survivorship", anything already in a trust, and a house with a transfer-on-death deed where allowed. These go directly to the named person or the co-owner.
What tax returns have to be filed after a death?
Usually a final personal income tax return for the year of death. The estate may also need its own income tax return (Form 1041) if it earns Estate income that requires an estate income tax return (Form 1041)As of September 28, 2026.Counts income the estate earns after the death (interest, dividends, rent, a sale), not the value of the estate.Source: IRS: File an estate income tax return in a year. A federal estate tax return is needed only for estates over Federal estate tax exemption (per person, 2026)As of January 1, 2026.Estates below this amount owe no federal estate tax. Some states have their own, lower thresholds.Source: IRS: What's new — Estate and gift tax (or to pass on an unused exemption to a spouse), and it is due Federal estate tax return (Form 706) due date after deathAs of September 28, 2026.Only estates above the exemption, or those electing portability, need to file. A 6-month extension is available.Source: IRS: About Form 706 after death.
What about an inherited IRA or 401(k)?
It goes to whoever is named on the beneficiary form, not through the will. A spouse has special options. Most other beneficiaries must empty the account within Years most non-spouse beneficiaries have to empty an inherited IRA or 401(k) (deaths after 2019)As of September 28, 2026.Spouses, minor children, disabled or chronically ill people, and people not more than 10 years younger than the owner have other options.Source: IRS: Retirement topics — Beneficiary, and some must also take a withdrawal each year. Withdrawals are usually taxable income, so talk to the account company or a tax professional before cashing out.
What if there are more debts than money?
Then the estate is "insolvent". The executor must pay debts in the order state law sets (funeral costs, estate expenses and taxes usually come first), and some debts may go unpaid. Family members generally do not have to pay the rest from their own money. An executor who pays the wrong bills first can be personally responsible, so this is a good time to ask a probate attorney.
Can I get paid for serving as executor or trustee?
Usually yes. Most states allow "reasonable" pay, and some set it by a formula; the will or trust may also say. The pay is taxable income, so many family members who are also heirs choose to decline it. Either way, you can be repaid from the estate for real expenses, with receipts.
Bank accounts and money disputes
The bank froze the account. What now?
That is normal once a bank learns of a death. What happens next depends on how the account was owned. A payable-on-death account goes to the named person, and a joint account usually goes to the surviving owner. An account in your loved one's name alone opens to the executor (with court papers) or through your state's small-estate process. Ask the bank's estate or "bereavement" department what they need.
The bank won't accept our power of attorney. What can we do?
Ask for the refusal and the reason in writing, and ask to speak with the bank's legal or estate department. Many banks want their own form or a signed statement (an "affidavit") from the agent. Some states have laws that require banks to accept a valid power of attorney or explain why not. If the bank still refuses, an elder law attorney can often resolve it quickly.
What records should I keep when managing someone else's money?
Keep their money completely separate from yours. Save every statement and receipt, and keep a simple log of what came in, what went out, and why. Never pay yourself back without a receipt. These records protect you if a sibling, a court or Medicaid later asks questions.
How do we split belongings fairly between siblings?
First check the will, the trust and any list of personal items your loved one left. Then many families take turns choosing, in an order set by drawing names, with appraisals for valuable items. Photograph everything before anything is moved. A mediator can help when feelings run high, and costs far less than court.
What are the signs of elder financial abuse, and who do I report it to?
Watch for unusual withdrawals or transfers, new "best friends" or romantic interests asking for money, changes to a will or accounts made in secret, unpaid bills despite enough income, and requests for gift cards or wire transfers. If someone is in danger, call 911. Otherwise report it to Adult Protective Services and to the bank's fraud department. For fraud against someone 60 or older, you can also call the National Elder Fraud Hotline at National Elder Fraud Hotline (U.S. Department of Justice)As of September 28, 2026.For fraud against anyone 60 or older. Open weekdays 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Eastern. The hotline never asks for money.Source: Office for Victims of Crime: National Elder Fraud Hotline.
When do we need a lawyer, and how do we find an affordable one?
Get a lawyer for Medicaid planning, a family dispute, a contested will, a complicated estate, or any time something does not feel right. For low-cost help, try your state bar's lawyer referral service, legal aid, or a law school clinic. The Eldercare Locator (Eldercare Locator (U.S. Administration for Community Living)As of September 28, 2026.Free referrals to local Area Agencies on Aging and other help.Source: Eldercare Locator) can point you to free legal help for older adults in your area.
Care options and costs
What's the difference between assisted living, memory care and a nursing home?
Assisted living is a private apartment or room with meals and help with daily tasks like bathing and medications, but not round-the-clock nursing. Memory care is a secure unit, often inside assisted living, for people with dementia who may wander. A nursing home (skilled nursing facility) has nurses on duty around the clock for people with serious medical needs. Rules and names vary by state.
Does Medicare pay for long-term care?
No, not for ongoing help with daily living (called custodial care). Medicare covers a short stay in a skilled nursing facility after a hospital stay of at least Inpatient hospital days needed before Medicare covers skilled nursing careAs of September 28, 2026.Time under 'observation status' does not count as inpatient.Source: Medicare.gov: Skilled nursing facility care, for up to Maximum days of skilled nursing facility care Medicare covers per benefit periodAs of September 28, 2026.Only after a qualifying inpatient hospital stay, and only while daily skilled care is needed. Medicare does not pay for long-term custodial care.Source: Medicare.gov: Skilled nursing facility care per benefit period, with coinsurance of Medicare skilled nursing facility coinsurance, days 21–100 (2026)As of January 1, 2026.Days 1–20 have no coinsurance. Medicare pays nothing after day 100 in a benefit period.Source: CMS: 2026 Medicare Parts A & B premiums and deductibles from day 21. It also covers part-time home health care and hospice when medically needed. Long stays are paid by the family, long-term care insurance, or Medicaid.
How does Medicaid pay for long-term care? What is the look-back period?
Medicaid pays for nursing home care (and in many states some home care) for people with low income and few assets, under rules set by each state. When your loved one applies, Medicaid looks back Medicaid look-back period for long-term careAs of September 28, 2026.Federal rule for nursing home Medicaid. A few states apply it differently (for example California). Check your state.Source: 42 U.S.C. § 1396p(c)(1)(B) (Cornell LII) at gifts and transfers. Giving money or property away for less than it is worth during that time can delay coverage. Talk to an elder law attorney before moving money.
Can the state take the house after Medicaid?
After someone who got long-term care from Medicaid at age Age from which states must seek Medicaid estate recovery for long-term careAs of September 28, 2026.No recovery while a spouse, a child under 21, or a blind or disabled child survives. States must offer hardship waivers.Source: Medicaid.gov: Estate recovery or older dies, the state must try to recover those costs from their estate, which can include the house. This is called Medicaid estate recovery. It cannot happen while a spouse, a child under 21, or a blind or disabled child survives, and every state must offer hardship waivers. How far a state reaches differs, so check your state's rules.
What help is there for veterans?
Wartime veterans (and surviving spouses) with limited income and assets may qualify for a VA pension, with a larger "Aid and Attendance" amount for those who need help with daily care: up to VA pension with Aid and Attendance, veteran with no dependents (maximum per year)As of December 1, 2025.This is the maximum annual pension rate. The actual payment is reduced by countable income.Source: VA: Veterans Pension rates for a veteran with no dependents. The net worth limit is VA pension net worth limit (Dec 1, 2025 – Nov 30, 2026)As of December 1, 2025.Source: VA: Veterans Pension rates. Get free help from a VA-accredited representative, such as a county veterans service officer. Be wary of anyone who charges to help you apply.
Is in-home care cheaper than a facility?
It depends on how many hours of help are needed. A few hours a day at home usually costs less than a facility. The national median for a home care aide is National median hourly rate, non-medical in-home caregiverAs of March 2, 2026.Source: CareScout: Cost of Care Survey 2025, Median Cost Data Tables, so round-the-clock care at home usually costs far more than assisted living (a national median of National median monthly rate, assisted living (private one-bedroom)As of March 2, 2026.Source: CareScout: Cost of Care Survey 2025, Median Cost Data Tables). Local prices vary widely. Use the calculator with your own quotes.
Can a family member be paid for caregiving?
Often yes. Many state Medicaid programs let people hire a family member as their paid caregiver, and some VA programs help too. If your loved one pays you from their own money, put it in a written caregiver agreement at a fair rate. Otherwise Medicaid may treat the payments as gifts. The pay is taxable income for you.
Can I take time off work to care for a parent?
Many workers can. The federal Family and Medical Leave Act gives eligible employees up to Unpaid, job-protected leave under the Family and Medical Leave Act (per 12 months)As of September 28, 2026.For eligible workers at covered employers (generally 50 or more employees), including to care for a parent or spouse with a serious health condition.Source: U.S. Department of Labor: Family and Medical Leave Act of unpaid, job-protected leave a year to care for a parent or spouse with a serious health condition. It covers people who have worked at least a year for employers with 50 or more employees nearby. Some states add paid family leave. Ask your employer's human resources office.
What should we never sign at a facility?
Never sign as a "responsible party" or "guarantor" in a way that makes you personally pay. A nursing home that takes Medicare or Medicaid may not require a family member to guarantee payment as a condition of admission. If you have legal access to your loved one's money, sign only as their agent, for example "[Their name], by [your name], agent under power of attorney". Also read any arbitration clause carefully: you do not have to agree to it to be admitted.
What is hospice, and does it mean giving up?
Hospice care focuses on comfort and quality of life for someone whose doctor expects a life expectancy of Life expectancy a doctor certifies for Medicare hospiceAs of September 28, 2026.People can keep getting hospice after six months if the doctor recertifies. They can also stop hospice.Source: Medicare.gov: Hospice care. It is not giving up: it brings nurses, aides, a social worker and a chaplain to support the whole family, usually at home, and Medicare covers it. Your loved one can stop hospice at any time and return to treatment.
What is palliative care, and how is it different from hospice?
Palliative care eases pain and other symptoms of a serious illness at any stage, alongside treatment meant to cure. Hospice is a kind of palliative care for the last months of life, when curing is no longer the goal. Ask the doctor for a palliative care referral early; it is not only for the end.
Observation status vs inpatient: why does it matter?
A hospital can keep your loved one overnight or longer as an "outpatient under observation" instead of admitting them. Observation days do not count toward the inpatient stay of at least Inpatient hospital days needed before Medicare covers skilled nursing careAs of September 28, 2026.Time under 'observation status' does not count as inpatient.Source: Medicare.gov: Skilled nursing facility care that Medicare requires before it pays for a skilled nursing facility. That can mean a large bill for rehab afterward. Ask every day: "Is my mother admitted as an inpatient, or under observation?"
What if the hospital wants to discharge them too soon?
A Medicare patient who is admitted gets a notice called "An Important Message from Medicare about Your Rights." It explains how to ask for a fast appeal. If you ask by the planned discharge day, your loved one can stay while an independent reviewer decides. Ask the hospital's social worker or case manager for help.
How do I avoid burning out as a caregiver?
Take regular breaks before you need them: even a few hours a week helps. Accept specific offers of help, and ask for respite care (short-term care that gives you a break), which many local agencies and some insurance and VA programs cover. Look after your own health and sleep. The Eldercare Locator (Eldercare Locator (U.S. Administration for Community Living)As of September 28, 2026.Free referrals to local Area Agencies on Aging and other help.Source: Eldercare Locator) can connect you with local caregiver support.
My loved one seems lonely. What can help?
Start small and regular: a set weekly call, a short visit doing something together, and a rotation with siblings. Ask the Eldercare Locator (Eldercare Locator (U.S. Administration for Community Living)As of September 28, 2026.Free referrals to local Area Agencies on Aging and other help.Source: Eldercare Locator) about senior centers, friendly visitors and rides near them. Check hearing, since hearing loss quietly pulls people away from conversation. The Friendship Line (Friendship Line (Institute on Aging), EnglishAs of October 9, 2026.Free and confidential, answered 24 hours a day, for adults 60 and over, adults living with disabilities, and caregivers.Source: Institute on Aging: Friendship Line) is a free line answered day and night for anyone 60 or over, and for caregivers.
Selling the house and other assets
Who has the legal right to sell the house at each stage?
While your loved one can make decisions, only they (and any co-owner) can sell. If they cannot, an agent under a durable power of attorney can sell only if the document allows it, or a court-appointed guardian or conservator can, usually with court approval. After death, it depends on the title. The executor or administrator can sell through probate, the successor trustee if the house is in a trust, and the surviving owner or the transfer-on-death beneficiary where one exists.
Should we sell, rent or keep the house?
It depends on the family's money, the house's condition, and whether anyone wants to live there. An empty house still costs money every month: taxes, insurance (often a special vacant-home policy), utilities and repairs. Renting brings income but also landlord work and risk. If your loved one is alive and may need Medicaid, the choice can affect eligibility, so talk to an elder law attorney first.
What is the step-up in basis, and why does it matter to heirs?
When someone inherits property, its tax "basis" is generally reset to its value on the date of death. If the heirs sell soon afterward for about that value, there is little or no taxable gain, even if the parents bought it long ago for much less. A house given away during life usually keeps the old, low basis, which can mean a large tax bill later. That is one reason not to put a child on the deed.
What happens to a mortgage or reverse mortgage after death?
A regular mortgage stays with the house. Relatives who inherit it can usually keep making payments and take over the loan without it being called due. With a reverse mortgage, once the lender sends a "due and payable" notice, heirs have Days heirs have to respond after a reverse mortgage 'due and payable' noticeAs of September 28, 2026.The time may be extended, up to six months, to sell the home or get a loan to buy it.Source: CFPB: With a reverse mortgage loan, can my heirs keep or sell my home after I die? to decide whether to buy, sell or hand the house over. That time may be extended, up to six months. If the loan is larger than the house is worth, heirs can settle it by paying Share of the appraised value heirs can pay to settle a reverse mortgage that is larger than the home's valueAs of September 28, 2026.Source: CFPB: With a reverse mortgage loan, can my heirs keep or sell my home after I die? of the appraised value.
Do we have to tell buyers someone died in the house?
It depends on your state. Many states do not require sellers to mention a natural death, while some require disclosure in certain cases. Ask your real estate agent or attorney what your state requires. Never answer a buyer's direct question falsely.
How do we clear out a house full of belongings?
Go slowly at first. Search for papers, cash, keys and valuables before anything leaves the house, and photograph each room. Let family choose keepsakes (see the question on splitting belongings). Then consider an estate sale company, consignment, donations and a junk removal service for what is left. The executor or trustee should approve before anything is sold or given away.
What happens to the car, stocks and valuables?
Each follows its title. A car usually transfers through your state's motor vehicle agency, and many states have a simpler form for heirs. Investment accounts with a transfer-on-death beneficiary go to that person; others go through the estate or trust. Have valuable jewelry, art and collections appraised before they are divided or sold. Firearms have special transfer rules.
What happens to email, photos and online accounts?
Most online companies let an executor or a pre-chosen contact close an account or download its contents. Many states also have laws giving executors some access. Look for a list of accounts and passwords, and do not simply log in as your loved one. Save family photos and important emails before closing anything.
What if one sibling wants to keep the house and the others want to sell?
A common answer is a buyout: the sibling who wants the house pays the others their shares, based on a professional appraisal. They might use their own savings, a new mortgage, or a smaller share of other assets. If no one agrees, a mediator can help. As a last resort, a court can order the house sold and the money divided, which is slow and costly for everyone.
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How else can I help, without money?
Share the guide with a family who is going through this. Tell a hospice, social worker, clergy member or support group about it. And please report any mistake or outdated fact you find.
Sources
- IRS: File the final income tax returns of a deceased person
- FTC: Debts and deceased relatives
- FTC: The FTC Funeral Rule
- CFPB: Know your rights: caregivers and nursing home debt
- CFPB: With a reverse mortgage loan, can my heirs keep or sell my home after I die?
- SSA: What you need to know when you get retirement or survivors benefits
- Medicare.gov: Fast appeals
- Medicaid.gov: Estate recovery
- U.S. Department of Labor: Family and Medical Leave Act
- IRS: Gifts and inheritances
Last reviewed: September 28, 2026
Do I have to tell Social Security, and what about the last payment?
The funeral home usually reports the death to Social Security, but check that they did. Social Security does not pay for the month of death: for example, if your loved one died in July, the payment that arrives in August must be returned. Do not spend it. A surviving spouse, or an eligible child, may get a one-time payment of Social Security lump-sum death paymentAs of September 28, 2026.Paid only to a surviving spouse, or an eligible child if there is no spouse. Apply within 2 years.Source: SSA: Lump-sum death payment and may qualify for survivor benefits.
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